Indeed the time exhausted in my creative mind is like stepping into another world.
And often times the line between fantasy and reality can be rather blurred by freewheeling desires.
The point of becoming absorbed and enraptured in my personal world is not even a thought, it happens almost nonchalantly.
My senses become intertwined with my fantasy.
I smell the foreign aromas and I taste exotic foods.
I feel the warmth of an alien sun beating across my face.
It's all too real, and yet it's little more than daydreaming.
Though, I am not merely captivated by a blissful hope, it's more of intense infatuation with a contagious desire.
I have fallen, even embraced this lie I told myself.
Can it be contained any longer in me, or am I destined to be forever absent from reality, but existing in perpetual fantasy.

The brokenness was still there, and there were many tears, some pain, and some fears. Yet, to look forward to something greater everyday, having a heavenly Father who cared.  So much to give the ultimate sacrifice, all those burdens. Those tears and those fears, and all the pain from all those years. It means so much to know that He cares. He is Elohym, and to know that HE cares so much for me. I shutter to think what I could have been, to walk away from what was calling me from within. The one who created Heaven and Earth stopped by my heart, to bring to me this revelation. That what He did was for me too, that my sins had been absolved. I give these words in honor of Him who said I could be born again, my Father, my daddy, my Abba. I love Him. I thank Him.

O my sweet when you are near I am completely comfortable.  When you speak to me, I am overcome with love, such as I cannot explain.  When we talk, I long to share my most inward thoughts, my secrets, to show an intimacy unlike any other.  Even the strongest man needs someone to hold him, kiss and touch him with a gentle confident hand.  O how I will miss  you so, the thought of not being able to see your lovely smile nor hear your sweet voice in my ear, sigh o my oh my. How it did serenade my heart in the morning as its harping did stimulate my heart.  Sigh oh my, the smile you did wear upon your precious face, o sigh my o my.... I could not dare to pass by, o you are such a desire.  I am weak that I should seek you night and day just for your conversation company.  I think of you, you are intimidating and yet..... still I do just to be near you beautiful.   Sigh o my... my... my... It is too much to take, I feel like I am leaving it up to chance, but such a thing is to gamble. So, how could I dare leave this up to chance.... No, far be it from me to do that, yet is it all too late.  How long I did wait, and still I have not told you how I feel when I am around you love, my friend. Instead, I leave this in higher hands, in the hope of faith that in time we will reunite, and finally dare to dance the most ancient of dances, the dance of romance, and of love.

Memories...sweet sweet memories...of days gone by. My heart is heavy, I just want to slump down in a corner and cry...my stubbornness won't let me do that. I feel like walking out right now...Even into the unknown. All my things with me, but where will I go. The weight of stress is upon me, heavily shown on my brow. If my decisions should cause everyone I love to fall away, even still the one who loves me will never fall away. I am His BELOVED and He is my desire. If all else should fail me, He WILL not. Oh how Jesus loves me, even in my mess, how he loves me. I know He loves. Maybe on that lonely beaten road He will meet me halfway to take me home to that sweet home. It's still going to be a blessed day

I will not yield to uncertainty, nor be afraid of the unknown. Instead, I will walk above all waters whether raging or calm. Staring in the eyes of all my giants, I will declare to them, before the sun sets they will all be at my feet.

Do you rest in bed at night and wandering off in thought, you begin to rest your mind. Your heart seeking after something greater than anything this world could ever offer. Reaching out for that which is not of this realm. You desire to find and dwell in that hidden place; a place where time becomes eternity and age becomes everlasting life. Deep down inside maybe everyone feels it, but only some truly believe it exists.

I don't always make the best choices, but every decision I make I talk it over with my heavenly father, sometimes we talk about one thing for days, weeks even. My father knows me and I know my father. He knows what's in my heart, I cannot keep anything from Him. He advises me carefully on everything, and is often blatantly honest with me on certain matters. So, to keep something locked away in my heart breaks both our hearts because if it matters to me than it matters to him also.

This is purely hypothetical, but if having a pure consciousness of being the father's BELOVED, makes me all the more complete. I guess after understanding this, the desire for companionship is no longer self consuming. However, is more an intimate level personally focused ministry, for lack of a better word. Saying that in a relationship you no longer belong to yourself, but now you will have walked into someone Else's life someone Else's existence. Having been self concerned is no longer evident. The desire to share your relationship as being God's beloved, is now first priority. Such a spiritual need between 2 people.

The pathway to love is not simple, one does not tread carelessly upon a smooth path, nor stroll mindlessly through flowering meadows. With each moment that love began in ones heart, it is as cascading waters, a mighty torrent this love. To walk into it is purely physical; yet, emotionally the heart plunges full force. How can one stop from falling head first.

I long for your presence, sweet Jesus. I seek your loveliness day and night. Your strong and warm loving embrace, does melt all my troubles away. How I would rather be lost in you forever.

While I was sitting in bed this morning I started thinking, I said to myself you know what, "A lot of the world is expecting that when a person becomes a christian they should have behaviour modification. Yet, God is looking for heart transformation. What God sees growing on the inside of you is greater than what the world sees left on the outside of you. Don't worry, it takes a little time to grow into this new creature, but you WILL get there. Amen!

I cannot explain the way I'm feeling, these emotions are obtrusive to my heart, but it's my fault for opening the door to them. Yet, even still what will they render to me? And, how does it benefit me to keep them locked away, they would certainly eat at my heart and my soul. However, the chains are broken and they are set free, and look! This pillage left done to me, have raped me of my joy, such audacity. How can one rest with such a tormentor, it has become a thorn in my side; indeed, alone I cannot overcome it. Therefore, I receive such an abundance of grace to combat, even overcome such a tormentor.

My heart is in my hands; I place the word in my lap, thereupon I rest my heart in the word, and then seal it with a silk ribbon tied ever so tight. Delicate a hand should be to untie the ribbon, to open the word, to bear permit upon my beating heart.

Worries are usually consistent with the kind of lifestyle a person lives; therefore, making them rational to the person who is worrying and sometimes irrational to the person who does not have that lifestyle. My point is do not be so stubborn hearted towards others, even if you don't understand their worries or agree with their lifestyle. Be merciful and gracious to them, so that they may see the love of Christ in your life.

The epitome of loveliness, my heart desires more and my eyes cannot ignore. As modest as the lily of the valley; such a woman of virtue. How can I express with words the things I dare not say before the time.

I will love my wife, as myself, she will be as a queen to a king that is something I refuse to compromise, my word is my bond. I will be a man whose word is his bond, I will not compromise right for wrong. I am one of a dying generation, a lost breed of men. Men that God said himself are indeed men of honor. I will be a man my heavenly father approves of.

Under Godly council, I was advised to give you space because at the appointed time you would be ready and I would speak. God knows all things; therefore, I wait patiently for that appointed time God has ordained. You know who you are, dare I say more, my lips are sealed until that appointed time.

Before I can be a man who a woman commits herself too, I want to be a man that a woman knows she is secure with. I don't want to be a man that is only a dreamer of dreams, I want to be a man who is a dreamer of realities. And then when that woman decides to commit herself to me, She will know that I have the qualities of a real man, and I am filled with the spirit and the power of God. Now what woman doesn't want a man like that?

I am salt and light in the world. Christ is in me and I am in him; as long as I am here, anyone who comes to me will not hunger or thirst for the things of the world; instead they will be filled with the hunger and thirst for the word of God. And they will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of Christ shine in them! I declare it as a reality!

And let me be so clear as to say, I would never break some ones heart, especially the woman I love. Someone asks, how can you be so sure of yourself? I say this, I know who I am and whose I am. And this word, a man is only as good as his word. Is not his word his bond. A man's word should be his bond it should never be broken, no matter what. Here is an ism, a man who breaks his word is like a captain of a sinking ship caught in a terrible storm, whose captain know not wither to jump off the ship or go down with the ship, and whose crew have all abandoned him.

I used to fear that if my heart got broken one more time I would never have the strength to piece the remnants back together. I felt that way because in the past my unorthodox behavior for love and impatience caused my heart to be broken. You know I wish I could say that, If it's your fault it won't hurt as much than if it's someone Else's fault. Yet, I can't say that. So you put up guards and shields and you hide yourself. I hid myself in the Lord, so that neither I nor anyone else could do any more harm to me. In the past, I let people know things about my past, I thought I could trust those people and depend on those people. Just some of them turned away from me, and some ridiculed me. And yes it did hurt. I said never again. So I hid myself away in the Lord who loved me for me no matter what. I do this so that if a woman wanted to be with me she would have to be in the Lord first, in order to even find me. I did it so that people who come into my life won't affect me anymore. I trust that someone who is in the lord can see who I am, not who I was or what I did in the past, but who I am. And know that I am who I am by the grace of God. Need I say more. I focus on him for he is first priority everything else is placed afterward.

As I count down every hour, every moment; as I watch the days pass by, I cling to patience. The hour is nearly upon me, the day is almost come. My heart is replete with gladness, truly overflowing with expectation.

What can I truly say, I don't really have the words to explain how I feel. Yet, I have prayed and waited for this moment; however, it caught me by surprise. I am a hopeless romantic caught in a tide of emotions. You already know me as a man who is in the Lord. And at what cost would it be to know more about me? How could I ever turn away from you. Ask me, and you will know me as a man of flesh and blood.